Live, learn, work, retire, die. So goes the rhythm of earthly existence for many of us. Included in there, of course, is engagement with the world, participation in needful endeavors, faithfulness to our beliefs, love for those we cherish, and leaving behind a legacy.
I never thought that I would one day retire as a priest, and I probably won’t. But now in my sixty-seventh year of life, I am looking forward to retirement from being a pastor. When/If this happens, I think I can be more of a priest, as others have been. A hundred years ago, most of our grandparents never heard of “retirement;” the word wasn’t common then. Most people simply worked till they died. Some say, “Life is work.” Some say, “Life is to be enjoyed.” Some say, “Find a job you love, and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” All those statements are, to some degree, true. And in various moments along life’s journey, we embrace them.
But, periodically, it’s a challenge to do so. As priest, I love helping people move along their spiritual path, especially recognizing how God is working in their lives. I am grateful to be with families on vital occasions (weddings, funerals, baptisms…); I enjoy accompanying them as they maneuver through life changes, sacramental grace, and next chapters. I am grateful to get to serve as an emissary between generous people and those who are in need. I believe that I was called to be a priest more than a pastor. As pastor, I don’t do well with parishioners who have consumer mentalities (rather than discipleship attitudes), those that complain about everything from the room temperature to a visiting priest. I can’t wait to escape the bureaucratic systems of our corporate church: its fears of the IRS, canon law, and hierarchical structures. I am eager to bid farewell to those who worship the church rather than worship God and those with a narrow lens that make their politics their religion (I get accused often by those on the right of being too liberal and by those on the left of being too conservative). When I retire as pastor, I want to continue assisting in urban churches by presiding at sacraments and offering spiritual direction or counsel to any who desire it; I want to do more to build up the church’s presence in our inner city that can be easily ignored or abandoned, yet I long to be free from attending meetings, filing reports, or dealing with administrative duties.
Early in priesthood, I’m sure that I was naïve and driven by rules; I pray that I have become more thoughtful, compassionate, and empathetic through the years. I am certain that I have become less concerned for religion while becoming more interested in God’s grace and in guiding people to find sacred connections in everyday encounters, touch the thin veil between this world and those beyond, and open themselves to broader mystical experiences. In comparison, I think the rules, rubrics, and regulations of the institution have limited value.
Educator Stephen Covey famously instructed followers to “begin with the end in mind.” He thought that we do better in earthly undertakings when we have clarity about our goals and destination. Christian believers have the goal of heaven and an interior compass that directs us to our true home. I hope that I can recognize each stage of life as a new steppingstone toward that finish line. As I look forward to being a priest beyond being a pastor, I also seek to exist with a purposeful life-death intensity that helps me be aware of things that are most important and accentuate meaningful moments and encounters while reaching my journey’s end.